Poem: HiddenI pray for day
I pray for night
I pray to be kept out of everyone's sight
It's a scare
I breathe the same air
But an outsider is all you lot see.
Just 'coz I look different
It don't mean a thing
The hateful comments people say do sink into my skin
All the scratches of anger
All the tears of hurt
Are all hidden inside so the emotions don't spurt
One day I'll break
And then you'll see
The monster hidden inside of me
The one born from hurt
The one that feeds on my pain
You probably think I'm just insane
This is how I feel
Due to the pain
Of being different to others
But an outsider all the same
fate, blue and a gameToday, my flatmates are out. They had to get up realy early and N2 didn't close their door, so now I know for sure their alarm clocks are loud to the point I could kill people, if they were using this in my room. If I ever share bed with someone who can't use normal level of alarm sound, I'll use my alarm and kick them out of the bed. Which would disturb my sleep less than their clock.
At night, I realized N1 leaves next Friday and I'll be here alone with N2 for six days. Unless they give us someone new. Which they could. I'm not sure if I can be comfortable around N2 alone. He doesn't wash hands after he goes to toilet. And last night, he didn't even close door when he went to toilet. I could hear him. When the door is closed, I can't hear a thing, but this time, I could clearly hear him pee. And fart.
I have morning headaches here. Not sure if it's lack of drinking or the noise. Headaches are not strong, but my head is really heavy. But the good thing is, the workers are
About what changed my lifeI dream about having a boyfriend to discover this world together. I dream about seeing place, place that two years ago I would never thought I'd see in my life. I dream about trying things, living life to the fullest so I wouldn't have regrets when I'm old.
I never really thought about what changed me the most in my life. What made me who I'm today. From all the bad things that happened to me, what gave me my strength? The dark times thought me how to change my way of thinking. Without that, I'd break much more often. I wouldn't be able to study for state exams. I wouldn't be able to have a patch to begin with, I wouldn't able to fight my fears as I do now.
Without having psoriasis, I'd me intensively fixed on my looks. The way I stopped caring about my looks is not good, but at least I can leave the house without any makeup. I can go to a gym or to the nearest shop without it. And not mind. Sounds stupid, but it's something.
Without failing my school leaving exam, I wouldn
About self-hate and finding yourselfI think that game yesterday messed me up and I need a reboot. While I feel comfotable being myself with my skin going back to normal, there is something wrong. I'm quite happy being single, studying what I always wanted, painting my future with bright colors of the world. And then I go to get my picture taken and I look sad. Painful.
And then I listen to a song and think about all people who think they are not good enough and push themself so hard they body can't hadle that. All the people who can't eat because they hate themselves because of their body. Everyone who hates themselves. I just want to scream: "Stop! You are beautiful, you deserve to be loved and if others don't see it, then their bad."
The world was always full of hate, so many wars and murders. But self-hate? How come people hate themselves for being themselves? I managed to fix my self-hate to the point it's not interfering my life. As long as I stay single. Texan in Tokyo, pardon, Texan & Tokyo (she mo
PsoriasisI wish I could convey to you exactly how it feels. The pain, almost unbearable at times. Having to walk on blistered feet and smile like there's nothing wrong. Having to deal with the ache of my swollen joints and not wincing when having to write something using a pen or pencil. Covering up my hands so that people don't stare, so the bitch at the store will hand me my change instead of placing it on the counter after she glances at my palms and assumes it's contagious. Wearing hats, parting my hair differently, coloring it just so no one can see the tremendous bald spots that appear when the weather gets chilly. Praying to God I don't have it on my face. I don't know what I'd do if it ever showed up on my face.... How would you hide that? My body revolts against me, have you any idea what that feels like? No, you don't know.... you can't know.... I just hope to you never have to experience this feeling. You're too good for that. I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy.